MIA
by Sylvia Andrews
Summary: Human AU. Basch Zwingli and his wife have just come home from vacation, but it looks like something didn't make it back with them. Now Basch has to cover his tail and hope his wife doesn't find out. Just a funny one shot meant for laughs. T raiting for language and because I don't think it would be more than that. Enjoy


So this is a one shot based on a conversation I had with my mom, with Hetalia characters when I was considering moving to another country and we were joking about me actually marring one of the countries because marriage is the fastest way to gain citizenship in a country… Anyway I asked what she thought it would be like if I married Switzerland. This one shot is based on her response.

Kathleen Miriam Henderson Zwingli had been married for about six months to her Swiss husband. She had moved to Switzerland a few years ago and had been going through the rather obnoxious immigration process when she had met Basch Zwingli at the legal office. He had picked up the book she had dropped and had had laughed at her when she had spoken in accented Dutch. Kathy had shifted to German and had gone off on him. All her temper tantrum had gotten her was more laughter and a few disapproving looks. Ok it had gotten her a date with Basch as well, but at the time she had been more angry and humiliated to care and she had almost stood the poor guy up.

In the end Kathy had gone on the date with the Swiss pain in the ass. They had gotten along when he wasn't pointing out her accent or being frosty with the world around them. One time they had been out on a date when they had run into a rather snooty looking guy that had Basch red in the face and trying to get out of the area without drawing attention. Which had failed miserably and Kathy had had the dubious pleasure of meeting Roderich Edelstein, someone she was sure had more of a superiority complex than her brothers whom were all taller than her despite her being the eldest of all her siblings. Bash had been really cool that day and had been a bit more detached than she had ever seen him.

In the end it had taken all of three years and half of Kathy's immigration process before Bash had proposed. The wedding was small; her immediate family had come and so had his. It had shocked her that Roderich had been there and that Bash had asked him to play for the wedding. Kathy had been of the rather firm opinion that her husband did not get along with the dark haired man with the curiously unruly curl to his hair, but she had been proven wrong. The ceremony had been short and sweet and then they had gone on a month long honeymoon across Europe.

Married life seemed to suit them very well, they still got along well and there generally had something to talk about and there had only been about two major fights that could have been a threat to their relationship, but they had been dealt with peacefully. They traveled when they could and generally enjoyed being with each other.

Kathy was sorting through the clothes that needed to be washed now that they were home from a trip they had taken to visit some of Basch's friends in Germany, but she was becoming rather frantic. Where the freaking heck was it?!They had been traveling all day; she knew it had to be here somewhere. As Kathy's panic rose she became more desperate and began tossing clothes all over the place as she searched for what she was looking for.

"Shit, shit, shit," Kathy hissed as she reached the bottom of their bags. It seemed she had been making more noise than she had thought because Basch came into their room, his eyebrows pulled together and curiosity in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked her, eyeing the complete mess that she had made of their laundry. "What the hell? Kathy what are you doing making a mess like this?!"

Kathy ignored him and began hunting through the mess of the clothes that she had tossed around the room. She was cussing up a storm and was beyond panic now. Had she left it in a hotel? Was it lost in transit? Had some creepy airlines baggage guy taken it? Her lips were dark red and her blue eyes were ice cold. The tossing of clothing around the room had lead to her red brown hair becoming a mess and her pale cheeks were painted a more violent red than her swelling lips. "Damn it, damn it, damn it," She muttered darkly as she tossed around the same clothes she had already searched through.

Basch let out an annoyed huff of air and stepped in front of his jittery wife. He grabbed her by the shoulders and waited for her to calm down. When Kathy realized that her husband had gotten in the way of her mad search she glared at him. Basch just looked at her blankly before turning her to face the wrecked room with the scattered laundry. "Care to explain?" He asked.

Kathy bit her already bruised lower lip and let out an embarrassed sound that sounded a bit like a wounded animal. Basch raised an eyebrow at her even though she could not see him. His silence got her to speak, though when she did she sounded like she was going to cry, though Basch knew she was moments from screaming, "I can't find my green panties."

Basch let out a tired sigh and asked, with as much care as he could, "Which ones?"

Kathy turned to face him and her face became even redder than it had been. "The solid ones with the white embroidery," she said, still straining to keep from screaming at the top of her lungs.

Basch's cheeks turned pink; oh he knew exactly which pair that was. Shit how was he going to do this and not get himself shot by his Latin American wife? How could he get away with this without getting two other people shot along with him? An idea struck him and he nodded to himself. He looked Kathy in the eye and said, "I'll call around and see if anyone has seen them." Kathy turned even redder but nodded, they were her favorite pair of panties after all. Basch nodded and turned Kathy to face the bathroom. "Ok, now you go take a bath and calm down and I'll get this cleaned up and make those calls," He said, needing her to be as far from their living room and kitchen as possible so he could pace and pretend to make calls.

Kathy relaxed a bit and nodded, "Thank Basch," She said. "I'd probably go nuts looking for them. I hope someone has them." Basch just nodded silently and gently pushed her to the bathroom.

Kathy emerged from the bathroom an hour and a half later, feeling refreshed and calm, her hair was damp, but her eyes were no longer frantic and her skin had returned to its normal ivory color. Basch was sitting up in bed, in a pair of pale blue pinstripe pajamas and reading a book. Kathy smiled at her husband and went over to the closet to grab a night dress and changed into it, ignoring her husband's gaze on her back. She crawled into bed and asked nervously, "Did you find them?"

Basch put his book down on his nightstand and rubbed the back of his head. "In a way…" He trailed off and prayed to god she would just accept his answer and not go digging.

Kathy's eyebrows pulled together and she coked her head to the side. "What do you mean, 'in a way'?"

Basch set his hands on the top of their comforter and looked at his wife. "Well, I called around to a few of the friends we met with and a friend of mine, Arthur, whom we got a ride with while we were in Germany, he said that he found a pair that match the description in the trunk of his car. He didn't know who they belonged to so he… Tossed them out," he said hesitantly.

Kathy's eyes went dark and her face became blank. "Tossed them out? TOSSED THEM OUT?! Those were expensive! What the hell?! Stupid son of a*****! Damned *** ******* bastard!" Kathy went on for a good ten minutes and Bash was treated to a front row seat of his wife's VERY colorful insults.

When she finally calmed down Basch looked Kathy in the eye and said, "It's your fault. You brought them on a trip out of town and then you didn't pack them right and now they're gone. I'm sorry you lost them but really you have only yourself to blame." Kathy's eyes became so dark that the blue looked black and her mouth pinched like she had just drank a bottle of lime juice and chased it down with salt. She didn't say anything and just pointed to the door of their room. Basch stared at her. Kathy's eyes began to twitch. Basch shook his head a little as if to ask what the hell she wanted him to do.

In a dark, cold voice that was the total opposite of the raging of a few minutes ago she said, "Get out of the room before I hurt you Basch. Now, or I swear I'm going to break something over your head."

Basch was up and out of the room faster than anyone who knew him would think possible. Then again, none of them had ever faced his wife's wrath. He went to the guest room at the end of the hall and closed the door behind him. He climbed into the single bed and sighed. At least she hadn't tried to kill him. He should have charged Ludwig more for those damn panties. Hell if he had known that he would open his mouth and said something stupid and gotten kicked out of his bed he would have charged the German bastard double. Or he would have thrown Matthias under the bus instead of Arthur, but then Matthias would have spilled the beans and all three of them would be dead in a ditch somewhere. Basch just really, really hoped that Kathy wouldn't try to contact Arthur and try to confirm the story he had fed her. In fact if she didn't remember Arthur at all he would be ok with that and all he had to do now was make sure that they never met and if they did he would need to keep Kathy from asking about her panties. After all, she had never once, as far as he knew, been in Arthur's car.

END

So this was the part of the conversation that sparked this one shot

Me: So what do you think about Switzerland?

Mom: Switzerland would take your panties per request of Germany for money and then try to convince you that you left them in England's car so it was your fault that you lost them in the first place.

Me: But… why?

Mom: In fact he would probably have the money transferred from Germany to Denmark and then to him, just to throw you off.

Me: -bangs head into keyboard-

THANKS FOR READING


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